Sunday, September 24, 2006

For word play lovers

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
12. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
15. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
16. Every calendar's days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and it 'taint mine.
18. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
24. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
25. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
26. Baker's trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Hermit Crab Sympathy

I did want to say I have sympathy for Emily's lost crab. Erin brought a hermit crab back from Florida last year and she loved that poor thing with all her heart. Two weeks after we got it home, it's legs started falling off one by one. I'm telling you, it was a tragic thing for Erin. She got the mourning wail going and could not be quieted down. We always knew exactly when Hermie lost another limb-Banshees had nothing on Erin. Finally hermie was just a little stump of a crab and Erin was inconsolable. We buried hermie in the backyard and quickly erased all signs that we even had a crab. It took her months to get over it and even now she gets a sad look on her face sometimes when you mention "crab". If I would have thought I might could have J.B. Weld-ed it's legs back on, might not have helped the crab, but it might would've helped Erin.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

A Sad, SAD Story (boo hoo)


Some friends of ours* had a little crab named Coral. Coral went AWOL and the whole family was frantic with worry. After several calls to the CIA, IRS, FBI and other Fortune 500 companies, a massive manhunt ensued. It all ended when the youngest member** of the household announced " Coral had to go pee-pee, so I flushed him down the toilet." What a tradgedy! HA! HA!

Excuse me while I blow my nose and wipe away a stray tear...


*The Gullion family
**Wyatt






Bit O'Wisdom for the Day:
When someone offers to pay you now or later, choose now.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Official Widow


I have a wonderful husband who (as I told the person who calls incessantly wanting to loan us money) works 2 jobs and goes to school 4 nights a week, so there is no good time to call him- or talk to him- or get him to take out the trash or... In other words a husband who is hardly ever here. Enter hunting season...Anything that moves, is furry or scaly, and totally happy with their life as a cute little animal, is in danger of being dismissed from their stomping grounds and stuck in our freezer by Mike, who gets the manly urge to go and spend lots of hours and money trying to decrease wildlife population. About this time of year I always hear " Honey, it's about time for you to get up in the attic and get out my decoys." So I do, and then it's off to the swamps to toot on his little duck horn and bring home some once cute critters who will now be decorating our yard with their feathers. Now, I'm not complaining, there are many other hobbies he could have such as collecting empty beer cans and throwing them at the neighbors or ant farming or something. Anyways, since I have oodles of extra time, I guess this is a pitiful plea for anyone who is totally bored, you can always call me and we can get together and do something constructive like, oh, read everybody's blogs and drink cappuccino espresso mocha hooha lattes with a subtle twist of white chocolate and crabapples and hints of bouquets of .... I'm rambling. I'm going to go talk to my cat.

Bit O'Wisdom for the Day-
Check for toilet paper before sitting down.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Little bit o'wisdom for the day-
If someone offers you a piece of gum, take it.

Back Again...

In response to my numerous fans sending postcards and begging on their knees for an update (not to mention a helpful little push from Sister Reba) here is the latest news in my very busy life- I had a hamburger for breakfast. Thank You for your interest and have a good day!

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