Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Would anyone possibly be interested in reading this blog ever again? I wouldn't want to be writing to thin air. I need people to witness my stupidity. Let me know.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Why you should check on your kids at least once a day...

Monday, October 20, 2008

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Hi There!

I have been sitting over in a corner with my arms crossed for about a month, seriously sulking.

Someone called me a ________ blogger.

I can't type what KIND of blogger I was called, for fear someone will google the word "Babtist" and my post will be first in the line up and they look at it and, well, you know.

So here I am again, showing up every two months or so to say hello.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Face Painting

I did Erin's face and she did mine. I luv my girl!!

For Reber

I have been inspired this morning. Read it and weep! Poetry of such caliber you may never set eyes upon again. (you hope)


I know a dear sweet lady
her name is Reber Lou
I think she is awesome
I know that you do too!

Sweeter than the honey
that grows upon the tree
and she smells just like a flower
SO much better than me!

Smarter than a june bug
as popular as Barack
as generous as a lollipop
with a stripe upon it's back

More beautiful than the sunset
that sits upon the lake
as gentle as a possum

Yes, such talent, I know. Just to let everyone know that Reber is the BEST and has never truly teased me about my weight as I was teasing her about in my post before. When she and I are together we spend most of our time funnin' each other. Just sayin'.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Clean Up Knoxville folks--I don't mean my weekly bath

Are you guys getting to go to clean up day?

We are not getting to go this year for several reasons- Mike's school and gas prices, namely. I'll miss going.

The thing I will miss the most is seeing if that" bench will hold us both." This is a quote from Dana last year. Do you remember that, Dana? mhmm. Dana is a person that is my friend and that's what friends do is they call you once a year and they send you a fruitcake at Christmas and they tell you that your rear view is like the north end of a south bound dump truck.

Dana is a much better friend than the ABOVE described friend though, because she doesn't send me fruitcake at Christmas. Actually, she doesn't call me once a year, nor has she ever insulted my weight, but anyway...

NOW Sister REBA on the other hand will just tell you exactly the situation of my excess poundage. Without blinking. Without pause. Without remor...well she might feel a little bad afterward. *snicker*

Back to the Knoxville situation, we'll have to save our money for the gas up to Campmeeting. As you probably know, unless you took your grandmother and ran off to BoraBara to live in the deep jungle with the wild snakes and no porta potties, gas is high.

This would not be such a problem if we had NORMAL vehicles, but NO. We had to buy the only 2 gas guzzlers on the planet.

I can hear you now. "No, NO, I am the one with the 26 ton gas guzzler! How can that little blue gumball you drive possibly use as much gas as MY car!?"

When I put a full tank of gas in the vehicles, late in the night I hear scrabbling sounds coming from my driveway. When I open the front door and stick my head out the sounds always stop and everything SEEMS normal.

One night I snuck around the side of the house to catch whatever it was and I heard:

Blue Gumball Car: Watch! Watch ME! GUZZLE GUZZLE GUZZLE!

(Tinny sound of a radio playing the Rolling Stones in the background)

Red Truck: Harr! You call that something? Sit back and learn! GUZZLEGUZZLEGUZZLEGUZZLEBUUUURRRRPPP!

I gasped. They are Guzzleing my gas. Now I know why our gas bill is approximately 2,346,789.03 every two weeks!

"NOOOOOO!" I cried, running out in the driveway to stop them.

Bad mistake.

They spent the rest of the night playing a party game called "BUMP-OW" where you take some one and take turns driving back and forth over their body. The only rules are that all four tires have to make contact with flesh.

Blue Gumball Car: "WHEEE! This is FUN!"

Red Truck: "HARR! You think this is fun--holler for her husband to come out! I'll show you FUN!"

So you see why we can not go to clean up day. You guys have fun. *sniff*

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Today at the checkout counter at Wal-spendyourENTIREpaycheckhere-Mart---

Woman in front of me: "YOU are going to HAVE to be more CAREFUL (this far into the sentence I thought she was talking to the little 2 year old she had with her, you know, the tone and all) when YOU put your GROCERIES on the counter (well mercy Fred, she means ME!) because YOU just SQUISHED my bread."

Me: (working on my meek and quiet spirit even though I KNEW it wasn't my fault and that she was a fudge brained, squirrel heh) "Oh, I'm really sorry-would you like for me to run and get you another one?"

By this time there are a number of people staring and I am just trying to pretend that this is just a solveable problem and not the end of the world and we're all gonna be alright... sheesh

Woman in front of me: (with a dramatic cry and upward thrust of the offending loaf) "NO! Because now I have NO TIME and I am going to BE LATE!"

(And Obama might end up being President too, but do you hear me squalling?)

By now the Cashier is looking at me like I am a goat booger.

Note to self: Never type the words goat booger while trying to eat salsa.

So the Woman-in-front-of -me storms away to sit the rest of the day on her throne in her castle where she is Queen of the Gnomes (DUM DA DAAAA) and she cracks her little whip over their heads sayin'.

And I am left to sheepishly (moo) load up my groceries and find excuses and pardon for the woman in my heart.

Who knows maybe she doesn't like squished bread and was just voiceing her opinions. Did ya ever think about that HUH. Well, now, DID Ya?!

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