Hostess Hassles
I was looking through my cookbooks for something good to feed my guests Friday and came across one called the "Hassle-Free Host -Recipes for a Stunning Party". I thought that sounded good, stunning is always a good thing unless your talking about running into a cabinet or something. One of the very first things that this guy (who was obviously batting for the wrong team) said to have was drinks. I agree. Several two liters of Sam's Choice has always done wonders for my reputation as an elegant, astute and overbearing hostess, so I thought cool- new drink pointers. Think again, Jaylene. Drink List as follows:
3-4 bottles of white wine
3-4 bottles of red wine
1 gallon of vodka
1 liter or fifth of scotch
1 liter or fifth of rum
1 liter or fifth of gin
1 liter or fifth of bourbon
now you would think that would be enough, but nooooo
Mucho big list of mixers and optional beer or ale, bloody mary mix, celery, Tabasco sauce, salt and pepper. Heaven forbid you forget the pepper. This was not a pick and choose list, this was all recommended for one party.
One GALLON of Vodka. No wonder it's a no brainer for these folks to have a good party-just get everyone good and soused BEFORE the party starts, then all you have to worry about is finding a nice corner to shove a staggering, drooling, silly passle of drunks. And don't worry-the next day they will tell everyone it was the best party ever.
Quote here " Nothing's worse than having to fight for a drink-or wait forever for one."
Who's waiting? all these people need is a number 5 washtub and a ladle.
Anyways, I did find a great deal of helpful hints such as decorating the table with your entire flower garden, every topiary you own, grandma's old nightgown as a tablecloth (tres' chic) and enough candles that folks will think they have made it to Saturday morning Mass. But who needs all this fancy, I say? My idea is to make do with what you have. Like, say, grapefruit. When your guests arrive have them all sit in a circle and take turns squeezing grapefruits all over each other's heads. HaHa! Yes! And then when the fruit is nice and hollowed out, there you have it-nice candleholders. Not to mention your guests got a complimentary head massage/hair conditioner.
And the recipes, oh the recipes! Melon Al Fresco la' cum laude with green oyster sauce, Divine deviened shrimp, Fresh brickle bread baked in Chef Paul Prudhomme's hat...I am SO behind times with my unsophisticated menus. But I am learning.
So now enlighted as I am ( and unbelieveing that I paid MONEY for that book) I think I shall head out to wal-mart to buy stuff for nachos.
A Post Script:
I have been known to have an extremely good time WITHOUT the sauce- I even fall out of my chair for no apparent reason. I laugh like a lunatic, even to the point all my friends begin to think I'm weird, make great jokes (the further into the a.m. the better the jokes), cry for no reason, sing silly songs LOUDLY-you know, I could save some folks some good money by showing them how to have an exceptionally good time without drinking a drop.
posted by Just Me @ 9:17 AM
10 Comments:
TRUE!!
Pass the nachos.
Where did you find that book??
yard sale, where else? ;)
Thanks for a great laugh. I really enjoyed your post.
Makes you wonder WHOSE yard sale, eh?
Pass the grapefruit, please.
Hillarious once again! I just love your posts! They bring a smile to my face & my guys here at work all wonder why this crazy lady is laughing all alone in her office! Thanks!
OH Yes! I agree with Lori! Laughing my head off all by myself....makes my kids look at me a little queerly, with their heads cocked to the sides like a cat! What's wrong with Mom?
Ohhhhh, nothiiiiing.....she's just reading Jaylene's blog again!
BTW: Me thinks this one might end up in YOUR yard sale? Eh?
I think you should try to substitute all those "ingredients" (must haves? ewww) with somethings of more delectability:
Like a gallon of Sweet Tea!
And a Fifth of Mountain Dew!
A fifth of Mountain Dew around here is quite potent! Move aside jack daniels...
Pass the froglegs!
HAHA! That is great!! Maybe you should try "Calling All Cooks" or something... :) You have a way with words, nagen'e!
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