Rainbow's End

2009-05-20T17:30:00.000-07:00

Would anyone possibly be interested in reading this blog ever again? I wouldn't want to be writing to thin air. I need people to witness my stupidity. Let me know.

Why you should check on your kids at least once a day...

2008-10-23T10:10:00.000-07:00

2008-10-20T06:23:00.000-07:00

Hi There!

2008-10-19T05:55:00.000-07:00

I have been sitting over in a corner with my arms crossed for about a month, seriously sulking.

Someone called me a ________ blogger.

I can't type what KIND of blogger I was called, for fear someone will google the word "Babtist" and my post will be first in the line up and they look at it and, well, you know.

So here I am again, showing up every two months or so to say hello.

Face Painting

2008-08-18T18:21:00.000-07:00

I did Erin's face and she did mine. I luv my girl!!

For Reber

2008-08-18T06:05:00.000-07:00

I have been inspired this morning. Read it and weep! Poetry of such caliber you may never set eyes upon again. (you hope)

Ahem....

I know a dear sweet lady
her name is Reber Lou
I think she is awesome
I know that you do too!

Sweeter than the honey
that grows upon the tree
and she smells just like a flower
SO much better than me!

Smarter than a june bug
as popular as Barack
as generous as a lollipop
with a stripe upon it's back

More beautiful than the sunset
that sits upon the lake
as gentle as a possum
and GREAT AS COCONUT CAKE!!

Yes, such talent, I know. Just to let everyone know that Reber is the BEST and has never truly teased me about my weight as I was teasing her about in my post before. When she and I are together we spend most of our time funnin' each other. Just sayin'.

Clean Up Day...at Knoxville folks--I don't mean my weekly bath

2008-08-14T05:26:00.000-07:00

Are you guys getting to go to clean up day?

We are not getting to go this year for several reasons- Mike's school and gas prices, namely. I'll miss going.

The thing I will miss the most is seeing if that" bench will hold us both." This is a quote from Dana last year. Do you remember that, Dana? mhmm. Dana is a person that is my friend and that's what friends do is they call you once a year and they send you a fruitcake at Christmas and they tell you that your rear view is like the north end of a south bound dump truck.

Dana is a much better friend than the ABOVE described friend though, because she doesn't send me fruitcake at Christmas. Actually, she doesn't call me once a year, nor has she ever insulted my weight, but anyway...

NOW Sister REBA on the other hand will just tell you exactly the situation of my excess poundage. Without blinking. Without pause. Without remor...well she might feel a little bad afterward. *snicker*

Back to the Knoxville situation, we'll have to save our money for the gas up to Campmeeting. As you probably know, unless you took your grandmother and ran off to BoraBara to live in the deep jungle with the wild snakes and no porta potties, gas is high.

This would not be such a problem if we had NORMAL vehicles, but NO. We had to buy the only 2 gas guzzlers on the planet.

I can hear you now. "No, NO, I am the one with the 26 ton gas guzzler! How can that little blue gumball you drive possibly use as much gas as MY car!?"

When I put a full tank of gas in the vehicles, late in the night I hear scrabbling sounds coming from my driveway. When I open the front door and stick my head out the sounds always stop and everything SEEMS normal.

One night I snuck around the side of the house to catch whatever it was and I heard:

Blue Gumball Car: Watch! Watch ME! GUZZLE GUZZLE GUZZLE!

(Tinny sound of a radio playing the Rolling Stones in the background)

Red Truck: Harr! You call that something? Sit back and learn! GUZZLEGUZZLEGUZZLEGUZZLEBUUUURRRRPPP!

I gasped. They are Guzzleing my gas. Now I know why our gas bill is approximately 2,346,789.03 every two weeks!

"NOOOOOO!" I cried, running out in the driveway to stop them.

Bad mistake.

They spent the rest of the night playing a party game called "BUMP-OW" where you take some one and take turns driving back and forth over their body. The only rules are that all four tires have to make contact with flesh.

Blue Gumball Car: "WHEEE! This is FUN!"

Red Truck: "HARR! You think this is fun--holler for her husband to come out! I'll show you FUN!"

So you see why we can not go to clean up day. You guys have fun. *sniff*

Well I NEVAH!

2008-08-12T13:50:00.000-07:00

Today at the checkout counter at Wal-spendyourENTIREpaycheckhere-Mart---

Woman in front of me: "YOU are going to HAVE to be more CAREFUL (this far into the sentence I thought she was talking to the little 2 year old she had with her, you know, the tone and all) when YOU put your GROCERIES on the counter (well mercy Fred, she means ME!) because YOU just SQUISHED my bread."

Me: (working on my meek and quiet spirit even though I KNEW it wasn't my fault and that she was a fudge brained, squirrel eyed....um-anyways... heh) "Oh, I'm really sorry-would you like for me to run and get you another one?"

By this time there are a number of people staring and I am just trying to pretend that this is just a solveable problem and not the end of the world and we're all gonna be alright... sheesh

Woman in front of me: (with a dramatic cry and upward thrust of the offending loaf) "NO! Because now I have NO TIME and I am going to BE LATE!"

(And Obama might end up being President too, but do you hear me squalling?)

By now the Cashier is looking at me like I am a goat booger.

Note to self: Never type the words goat booger while trying to eat salsa.

So the Woman-in-front-of -me storms away to sit the rest of the day on her throne in her castle where she is Queen of the Gnomes (DUM DA DAAAA) and she cracks her little whip over their heads and...er...just sayin'.

And I am left to sheepishly (moo) load up my groceries and find excuses and pardon for the woman in my heart.

Who knows maybe she doesn't like squished bread and was just voiceing her opinions. Did ya ever think about that HUH. Well, now, DID Ya?!

Thirty-Two

2008-08-10T13:41:00.000-07:00

The above title is completely random and stuff, it actually has nothing to do with anything, no nothing at all. I just wanted to say that on Wednesday, folks were just calling and doin' things like, oh , SINGING to me and offering me lunch and stuff...

Maybe something about ones date of birth.

It was Good.

Just sayin'.

2008-08-07T17:11:00.000-07:00

What's Bloomin' in your back yard? Here's a little bit o' my blooms and "flying flowers".

My flowers are one of my most favorite things ever! Working in them is a peace to me. I tell God often that I'm thankful for the beautiful things He gives me to enjoy!

2007-10-31T07:46:00.000-07:00

Here is a warning about a movie called the Golden Compass that will be coming out this Christmas. I know we don't have to worry about that, but this is also a series of children's books. Such a shame.

2007-10-03T05:06:00.000-07:00

My apologies to Sister Jimmie Ann, Bro. Gilbert and others who have threatened to beat me with rods for not updating-those who have told me their lives are not the same without being able to read my blog-those who have told me that they will jump in front of the next blue Hummer they see if I don't wr...sorry about that, I've been reading too much Love Inspired Suspense.

Well, things are going beautifully here at the HannersHome, nothing to complain about. We've been to campmeeting and enjoyed it much, thought we forgot to bring the first piece of equipment to record any memories on. oh well.

I've been in the fall mood here lately-all these nice breezes sort of does it to me. Christina will be coming over for lunch next week, so I was looking for something different to cook and give the hired help a day off. I found a GREAT recipe for pumpkin tortellini with brown butter sauce. After reading the ingredients ( such as goat cheese, figs, snapping turtle fillet, finely minced fishhooks) to a couple of friends, I knew I was going to have to call Sylvia for any excitement and/or appreciation that I would get. I'll have to let you know how this lunch turns out.

You guys have a good day and STAY SAVED! Hi to you ,Dana, if you read, and I know you do,COMMENT woman COMMENT. Sis. Owen, You may wake up one day to find me in your basement! Better yet, you may wake up one night, hear a loud scream and KNOW I'm in your basement. ;)

Sister Kelly

2007-09-27T05:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we get to glide along
Life flows easy like a song out before our eyes
then without a reason why,
it seems all the good has gone away
and all the bad is here to stay for a long, long time
and your faith is tried.
And when life drives you to your knees
with hard times and hard knocks and no end you see-

Those are the times when your back's to the wall
times when you can't even crawl,
You close your eyes and the darkness closes in.
That's when God sends his angels down
tells them to gather all around,
Lift you up and give you strength to carry on
and you carry on.

The enemy of our souls harasses us
and somehow he knows the perfect lies
to whisper to our minds.
He paints a picture dark and black
determined to get us to look back and we fail to see
what God's plan might be.
The darkest hour is just before the dawn,
we reach for God's promise and we just hold on.

In those times when we're all alone,
times when our strength is gone
You reach for hope and it slips right through your hands.
That's when God sends his angels down, tells them to gather all around
Lift you up and give strength to carry on
And you carry on.

It's good to know when hard times we face
God is always right there to fill us with his grace...

Love and prayers ,
Jaylene

OK Denna, Here Ya Go...

2007-08-29T04:52:00.000-07:00

I won't state the obvious and say it's been awhile since I posted, but it's been awhile since I posted. I've been doing lots of things but not taking lots of pictures. So here are vacation pictures from Navarre Beach (a place I love really and truly)

Storing it up

2007-05-11T04:40:00.000-07:00

We are about to leave for a week's vacation. Sunday morning before church I was thinking that I need to soak up every bit of what God has for me and store it up since I'll be missing next Sunday and Wednesday.

I got plenty to soak up.

Sunday morning service was beautiful and Wednesday night service was beautiful.
"My righteousness I hold fast and will not let it go, my heart shall not reproach me so long as I live."

It's so great to be able to go to church and not be "entertained" but to be "renewed". So many times I go not feeling well in my body and something about a good service makes me feel good body and soul.

SO, I'm encouraged to press the battle on and come back to be with the saints of God still with the victory!

As Brother Thomas Gullion says "I love the Church of God-It's so beautiful to me!"

2007-04-18T06:39:00.000-07:00

I had another 15 minutes of fame yesterday.

Frances and I were at Big Springs Park feeding the ducks with the kids--actually I should say we were at the park with the kids, feeding the ducks. And so....

This group of 4 spanish oriented people were hovering around and I didn't pay much attention until one stopped and greeted me, then I smiled, said hello and went back to joyfully hurling bread in every direction. (my fan base of ducks and pigeons didn't take to kindly to any lapse of attention on my part).

I have never tried much to communicate with people who don't have a clue what I'm saying, so I don't know how I would act if I were to try, but I have noticed this about the spanish persuasion... They will speak as rapidly in their native language as possible, all the while with a huge smile and sweeping gestures that they are sure are the ultimate translator. SO....

I notice that this one little man is grinning and gesturing to beat the band.
Me: Oh, Hi again! Yes, HI! Hello Good Day--Your picture? You want me to take your picture?
Him: (obviously understanding the word "picture", Nods vigorously and makes sweeping motions with his hands.)

Well, I thought he wanted me to take a picture of him and his group, turns out he wanted a picture of me and him. HA! O--KAAAY...if it cranks your tractor.

Me: Oh, you mean you want a picture of ME and you?
Him: Much enthusiastic head nodding, lots of words I didn't EVEN understand and Amiga.

Turns out the whole group-three men and one woman, wanted their picture with me. They wanted individual pictures and group pictures, they wanted sitting down pictures and standing up pictures. So here I am, all my 5'6" glory, and not a one of them over 5 foot, having a serious photo shoot that would have put portrait innovations to shame.

I learned that they were from Guatemala. Like this-
Him:rapid spanish"Guatemala"rapid spanish head nod head nod expansive gesture
Me: Oh, you're from Guatemala?
Him: eyes light up vigorous nod "You America?"
Me: That's me-America.

YES!!

We have Communication!! No gift of tongues needed!

So about fifteen pictures later, they bid me a fond farewell and went happily off into the sunset and I went back to duck feeding--feeling just a little bit culturally enriched.

Chicken dressing and Memories

2007-04-06T05:01:00.001-07:00

Today, for the first time , I understood my Mawmaw's chicken and dressing. Now I know this sounds strange, as you wonder what there is to understand about chicken dressing, except maybe to understand why some people even like it. Chicken dressing was always center of the important family dinners, we just never did without it. As far back as I remember family dinners, I remember Mawmaw's chicken dressing. My Mawmaw always made it--I don't think I ever remember anyone else doing it. And I always loved it. Loved it.

We lost my Mawmaw to cancer about 5 years ago, and I still miss her terribly. She called me "sissy " and I miss hearing her say that, along with "I love you, too "and "I'll see you tomorrow". It's such a hard thing to know that you will never "see someone tomorrow" again.

Since she's been gone, I've sort of taken over the chicken dressing making part of dinners. That's what I was doing this morning--

I sat down at the table to pick apart the whole chicken that I had--I usually cheat and just use chicken breasts, but this time I decided to be "authentic" and do it like Mawmaw. I wondered how on earth I was going to get enough meat off that scrawny looking chicken for a whole pan of dressing. I started in anyways, pulling here, scraping there and doing my best to get every last morsel of meat off the bone.

It was then that my mind went back to those much loved pans of dressing from my childhood and I could hardly see to pick chicken for the tears...

I could just see my Mawmaw on her limited income sitting down to dedicate her time to picking every last scrap of meat off the bone-always coming up with enough chicken for her pan. Those pieces of chicken that as a child I would peer at doubtfully, wondering at their worthiness to appear in the dressing were explained to me as I dug through MY chicken. Those darker pieces of meat with the little bit of fat adds the best flavor to the dressing. The redder pieces were the ones closest to the bone--not undercooked as I previously thought, that's just the color there. The pieces of gristle that I so detest, I'm sure Mawmaw did too, and tried her best to get them out, but sometimes you miss some. Those cool little round shaped pieces of chicken were from a pocket on the thigh and those long thick white ones were from the breast. Even though I never actually did see her make it, I can just picture those wrinkled, sweet old hands working with that chicken with the thought of everyone enjoying the food later.

I learned alot this morning I guess--about how to pick a chicken and what is where on one, how much love (and sometimes tears) goes into a pan of dressing and how much I really do miss my Mawmaw.

2007-04-06T05:01:00.000-07:00

Sad Blogging Habits

2007-04-05T15:57:00.000-07:00

I have been a terrible blogger here lately, and I could give a million or at least 7 reasons why, but I'll spare everyone. Mostly I've been busy doing things. Not to mention it seems I have absolutely nothing to say. But since it's getting warm outside I guess I'll be doing more so I can say more. Here's a few pics of our fishing day with Mike. I am not a fisherman, I am a catcherman. This means that if fish are not fighting over who will bite my "minner" first, then I am done for the day. At least until I see someone else have some luck, then I might try again. This fishing trip I spent the first 3 hours with only my nose poking out of a quilt. When it finally warmed up, I fished about 3 minutes, and with no bites I started a book--45 minutes later I finished a book, then took a nap, saw a bald eagle and lots of wood ducks and caught one fish. Mike did let me drive the boat around, which I did full throttle yard-saling style. It was a good day and Mike was happy with me for going with him.

Memory Lane

2007-01-12T12:37:00.000-08:00

Looking at Courtney's blog and seeing her pictures with her little friends brought back memories. It doesn't seem like too long ago our little "crew" (Carol, Amanda, Dana, Becky, Christina and Me) was just enjoying life, living for God, having mucho fun and crazy times.

We just got together this christmas for our 10 year "reunion". We had said that when the first one of us got married, ten years after that we would get together and have a spend the night party. Well, that was inexperience talking. At that time we weren't thinking about all the kids. Babies in particular. Or husbands. That might want us at home, not off jumping on the beds in remote cabins. ( I shudder to think what would happen if I jumped on a bed now. My poor back and the even poorer bed.)

It was a really sweet time, almost as if no time had passed. We were all thankful to be saved, and doing well physically and materially also. I'm blessed to have such beautiful "old" friends and many beautiful "new" friends, too.

Here's to us, guys! Hope you still love me after posting all these crazy pictures!(The reason that there is not more of me is because I was usually the one behind the camera.)

Cool Gloves

2007-01-10T05:24:00.000-08:00

I thought these gloves were pretty neat, especially since my computer is near a drafty window and in the wintertime my hands freeze! They warm up when plugged into your USB port. http://perpetualkid.com They have some pretty weird stuff on their site.

2007-01-08T13:21:00.000-08:00

I love to decorate for the seasons. Spring and Summer, I do my decorating outside, planting random patches of flowers and weeds, throwing themed parties-such nice times of the year. Fall brings pumpkins and scarecrows, hay bales, number 5 washtubs filled with mums. (yes, I'm from the South) Winter, I love to put cedar and pine boughs out with all the little snowmen I have. Which brings me to todays thought...

I have a fiber optic Snowman.

Actually, TWO fiber optic snowmen.

And I love them dearly. I sit and look at them and just sit and look at them. They are beautiful to me. And this worries me...

BECAUSE...

It makes me wonder if I am getting a little on the redneck side of the woods. You know, I have always thought of fiber optic stuff the same way I think of poster size pictures of the angel and the bridge and the kids framed in gold plastic, Undulating pictures of the Passover with a yellow glowing halo over Jesus' head pulsing to the tune of Amazing grace, Dale Earndhart head shaped spit cups...You get the picture.

So I'm wondering if what I consider "my taste" is slipping and next weekend will find me on top of Georgia Mt. eating a hamburger made by Mable Sue, holding straight up in the air three fingers on one hand and number 67 in other, bidding on a lifesize velvet glowing Elvis in a Dale Earndhart jacket. With a fiber optic guitar.

Maybe I'd like that.

Hee Hee!

2007-01-06T18:59:00.000-08:00

Well......

2007-01-04T20:10:00.000-08:00

......I've been busy. So there. That's my excuse for the lack of UPDATION going on. ( Never let it be said that Tesia never came up with anything brilliant.)

We've had good times over the holidays, here's pics from the little party we had, Dirty Christmas, for lack of a better term...

F-U-N-N-Y

2006-12-14T08:48:00.000-08:00

I have to poke a little fun at my Dad, here. Bless his heart, I love him, but he is so funny sometimes. He's the funniest when he doesn't mean to be.

Dad pulls up to the DQ with a hankering. He wants one of those "moolattes", which the pronounciation of he totally butchers. He knows this. SO...

DQ Girl: May I take your order?

Dad: Aaaaah, yeah. I want one of those aaaaah mmmmm, mmmm, mooooo, m-mooo (sounding like a stuttering cow at this point,decides to spell it.) M-O-O-L-A-T-T-E , please.

DQ Girl (trying to laugh quietly into her apron): Okay, What flavor?

Poor Dad: Aaaah, the Aaaaah Ca-Cap-Cra- uuuh C-A-P-P-U-C-I-N-O.

By this time the girl is draped over the cash register with severe laughter cramps and is unable to speak. So her Co-Worker comes on the speaker and tells Dad to pull around to the window.

Respectful Co-Worker:(hands Dad his drink) Thank You Sir and here is your C-H-A-N-G-E.

Good Times

2006-12-04T21:04:00.000-08:00

We went out last weekend and had such a great time....

I'm so thankful for good saved friends, who are always encouraging...

I feel blessed...

Thanks, Guys!

2006-11-27T07:04:00.000-08:00

The Last Knit

This reminds me of my obsessive/compulsive, one track, do-or-die brain. I can SO relate.

2006-11-26T14:17:00.000-08:00

Too Much Excitement

2006-11-15T11:36:00.000-08:00

Bro.D and Mike get overly excited listening to the Alabama/LSU game...

Maybe this weekend will be better, huh?

2006-11-12T14:18:00.000-08:00

http://erinskisses.blogspot.com

She Finally has One!

Yard Sale Adventures

2006-11-10T00:40:00.000-08:00

This is a putrid time of morning to be sitting here wasting my substance on blogwriting (I didn't mean it, Mr. BlogCreator-please don't kick me off!) but I can't sleep and it's too dark to plow the garden so here I am.

I will be going to some yard sales in a few short hours- I guess I'll leave around 3:00 to make sure I get to the first one early enough to peer in a few windows-see if they look like they might have interesting things like tiki torches or cookbooks-greet the husband of the house "good mornin' " as he leaves for work and see what they got goin on for breakfast. Then I generously offer to help put out the yard sale stuff- you get my point here. Yes I WANT TO BE FIRST! ME, ME, ME!!!! I want to see all the stuff that even the goodwill man carries off delicately with the tips of forefinger and thumb--Anyways, thinking of yard sales reminds me of last weekend when my friend Francie and I....

Me: (@ 1:00 a.m. ) You wanna go yard saling?
Frances: Yeah!
Me: ( I really didn't think she'd say yes) Okaaaay, we're going to be leaving at about 5:30.
Frances: Yeah!
Me: (Not thinking she REALLY is understanding) Okaaaay, that means getting up at about 4:30. On a Saturday.
Frances: Yeah!
Me: (In case she doesn't remember anything from high school) You know that's about 2 hours from now.
Frances: Yeah!
Me: ( Not knowing if I'm really up to going* ) Okaaaaay.
Frances: Yeah!

Ha!Ha! One of great vocabulary, that Frances!

*I will go yard saling on the day of my funeral, given the opportunity.

So about 4:30 in the morning I scraped myself up out of bed, using the Pampered Chef All-Purpose Scraper, and jumped into the Smurf and went to pick up Frances. We drove down the mountian in a silence that only comes by being two nutty people with no sleep and not enough caffeine. Oh but the first yard sale!! What rewards for being the early bird (Minus the worms-I don't think I have those. Scratch,Scratch). I got my "Find Of The Day", which was a 3 1/2 foot crane with long orange legs and long orange beak, standing on a piece of wood. Yes!! Some dope had taken the liberty of gluing some chintzy-looking fabric to him and outlining it with gold glitter glue. Can you imagine how tacky! I'm going to take him home, pull off the offending fabric and pluck a few feathers from Dad's chicken and glue on. You can imagine the envious looks I got from others as I loaded my prize in the trunk. Frances choking and snorting with laughter ruined my image though, I thought.

We had to make a pit stop, to go bafroom and get eggrolls. After finding the bathroom at the gas station (which they had located in Kenya for tax reasons) , Frances took her turn first then I took mine. It was very cold outside, therefore I had numerous layers of clothing. Numerous. Have you ever tried to pull something up and as a result something else pulls down-then you have to pull that back up and something ELSE falls down, it makes me have muscle cramps, I tell you. After doing a dance that only the Jackson Five could duplicate, I finally got my clothes on and we were off again.

We went to a yard sale in a gated community-which means they have a gate to let you in. How novel. I never know how to act when I pull up to one of these gates and am looked at like I have roaches or something. Luckily, the guy manning this gate looked like he'd give Elmer Fudd a run for his money-so I just pulled up, rolled down my window and grinned. He said"Yard Sale?" Righto, old Chap! He let us through and I pulled up to the yard sale with the mistaken theory that I should be able to park where ever I wanted, you know the 6th ammendment and freedom of press and all that. The right side of the road had orange cones about every 30 feet and according to Frances a sign instructing those who could read not to park on that side of the road. Even if you couldn't read you weren't allowed.

Frances: Uh, Jaylene, I don't think we're supposed to park here. There was a sign back there and....
Me: NAAAAAAAH- this is fine, We'll be riiiiight back.

My theory on things like this is- if you just ignore what's going on, if that's what's convenient for you, you'll be okay.

Not this day.

I was blissfully rummaging through a box of cookbooks with Francie WHEN...

Bullwinkle (complete with bullhorn) : Would the person in the little blue Chevrolet cavalier please come and move your car. I repeat....Would the....
Me: (thinking) That's me and my smurf, he's talking about ME -of all the NERVE!!!!

Frances meanwhile is still calmly thumbing through the books, pretending she doesn't know what car she drove up in or who she came with. The only changes in her was a lovely shade of crimson beaming from her little face. She hissed out of the corner of her mouth-so no one would know she actually KNEW me and was TALKING to me- "He's talking about YOU!"

Number One: This guy SAW me pull up he was standing there about 30 feet from me, he could have simply walked over to me and QUIETLY told me to move. He just thought he would simply have a stroke if he didn't get to use his bullhorn at least once that day, I suppose.

As we were leaving, he made nice and gave us directions to get out which we promptly forgot- so we drove in circles looking like dummies-If he saw us he probably thought"She can't read and she can't drive-tsk,tsk. Must be from the mountain."

Then we went to Shop 'til You Drop @ the Methodist Church. They had lots of food samples which we put to good use. These were hoitytoity little booths like southern living at home, (where everything is one low price of 129.99) and pampered chef and Longaberger. The key to a free lunch is go to a place like this-have your friend distract the seller with lofty promises of parties-while you snork up a pile of food. Then you also take your kid and have them run around collecting napkinfuls of samples. THEN you go sit at a table in the corner, put on the glasses with the nose and mustache attached and wait. Sooner or later a new seller will replace the old and you can start all over! YAY!

We did actually BUY some food there-one thing called a fried Snickers. Heart Attack Heaven.

Then there was the rug.

Frances: Oh look at this rug-would this be good in my living room with that shade of green and red.
Me: (with the tone that says "DUH") Frances, that is not red-it's pink.
Frances:(probably thinking "DUH") That is a red. maroon and my color red.
Me:That is pink. I know pink when I see it and that is PINK.
Frances: That's red.
Me: (grabbing 2 unsupecting ladies) Ma'ams, what color is this color right here?
The Ma'ams: Red
Me: No,No,No, you're all whacky...That is PINK. PINK,PINK,PINK!!!

The Ma'ams proceeded to give me a LONG lesson on what was pink and what's not. The one woman, talking to me as if I were a bit slow said, Now what color is this?(talking about her jacket) Like any good kindergartener I said "pink." Riiiiight, she said, now this is pink. I informed her I was not decieved about the color pink, I totally recognized pink when I saw it. She didn't believe me and I was walking away and her and her friend was still pulling at various objects of clothing and saying" Now THIS is pink." I'm just glad neither of them had pink drawers on, because you can bet they would have felt the need to show and tell.

Such good times we have.

France, Thanks for being my friend, even though I am a total goofball! SNIFF!! Poor Me!

Hostess Hassles

2006-11-02T09:17:00.000-08:00

I was looking through my cookbooks for something good to feed my guests Friday and came across one called the "Hassle-Free Host -Recipes for a Stunning Party". I thought that sounded good, stunning is always a good thing unless your talking about running into a cabinet or something. One of the very first things that this guy (who was obviously batting for the wrong team) said to have was drinks. I agree. Several two liters of Sam's Choice has always done wonders for my reputation as an elegant, astute and overbearing hostess, so I thought cool- new drink pointers. Think again, Jaylene. Drink List as follows:
3-4 bottles of white wine
3-4 bottles of red wine
1 gallon of vodka
1 liter or fifth of scotch
1 liter or fifth of rum
1 liter or fifth of gin
1 liter or fifth of bourbon

now you would think that would be enough, but nooooo

Mucho big list of mixers and optional beer or ale, bloody mary mix, celery, Tabasco sauce, salt and pepper. Heaven forbid you forget the pepper. This was not a pick and choose list, this was all recommended for one party.

One GALLON of Vodka. No wonder it's a no brainer for these folks to have a good party-just get everyone good and soused BEFORE the party starts, then all you have to worry about is finding a nice corner to shove a staggering, drooling, silly passle of drunks. And don't worry-the next day they will tell everyone it was the best party ever.

Quote here " Nothing's worse than having to fight for a drink-or wait forever for one."
Who's waiting? all these people need is a number 5 washtub and a ladle.

Anyways, I did find a great deal of helpful hints such as decorating the table with your entire flower garden, every topiary you own, grandma's old nightgown as a tablecloth (tres' chic) and enough candles that folks will think they have made it to Saturday morning Mass. But who needs all this fancy, I say? My idea is to make do with what you have. Like, say, grapefruit. When your guests arrive have them all sit in a circle and take turns squeezing grapefruits all over each other's heads. HaHa! Yes! And then when the fruit is nice and hollowed out, there you have it-nice candleholders. Not to mention your guests got a complimentary head massage/hair conditioner.

And the recipes, oh the recipes! Melon Al Fresco la' cum laude with green oyster sauce, Divine deviened shrimp, Fresh brickle bread baked in Chef Paul Prudhomme's hat...I am SO behind times with my unsophisticated menus. But I am learning.

So now enlighted as I am ( and unbelieveing that I paid MONEY for that book) I think I shall head out to wal-mart to buy stuff for nachos.

A Post Script:
I have been known to have an extremely good time WITHOUT the sauce- I even fall out of my chair for no apparent reason. I laugh like a lunatic, even to the point all my friends begin to think I'm weird, make great jokes (the further into the a.m. the better the jokes), cry for no reason, sing silly songs LOUDLY-you know, I could save some folks some good money by showing them how to have an exceptionally good time without drinking a drop.

What did I say?

2006-10-18T15:11:00.000-07:00

I just had to tell this-Names have been left out to protect the computer illiterate...

I responded to a earnest plea for help to fire up my trusty internet and find someone a cabin to stay in for their trip to TN. We looked at several cabins and found one that looked suitable. If you know anything about cabins up there, they all have cutesy little names such as snookums hideaway, shoogie woogie and so forth. This person decided after looking at all the little thumbnails of the cabin that this was the PERFECT one, so we proceeded to write down all the info she needed to contact the lady about it. I was feeding this person the info from the screen and we were almost done when she asked,"Now the name of the cabin-it was Mouse Over Thumbnail, right? :D

After I picked myself up off the floor, I explained to her what I was laughing about...

My Baby Girl

2006-10-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

2006-10-14T05:58:00.000-07:00

I wanted to see who I used to look like...

And who I look like now...(poor folks)

My, What a difference 5 years (and a number of pounds) makes! Kate Winslet would probably turn over in her grave if she only knew. Oh wait, she's not dead...Oh well...

Mudpuppies

2006-10-12T17:18:00.000-07:00

Erin and Alicyn were playing nicely in the sand for the longest time. Then a knock on the door brought a nice surprise-Erin had changed colors! Red as an indian she was- that's what happens when you mix red clay and water and smear it all over your body. She had to take a nice cool bath outdoors with the water hose.Even after washing, she still has a nice "tan". Oh well, at least they had fun!

Winter's Approach

2006-10-12T04:42:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with the cold toes blues. Brisk fall weather is surely here and blustery cold winter weather just around the corner.(better than being in the corner-that means you did something bad). I love to decorate for the seasons, now I've got out my (fake) fall leaves and pumpkiny stuff and all the apple spice candles and plug-ins --all that good stuff. I even got industrious and bought the ingredients to make a pumpkin pie, instead of buying one this year. Do you even begin to realize how expensive spices are? You would think that the little Brazilian man had to hop on alligator heads and dodge Blackbeard to get them here to us lazy Americans who could have just GROWN them. (price of gas included)

I'm also in the process of helping to get the Fall Fun Day together, and it's making my hair a little gray. But I think everyone will have a good time. Besides those of you who WANTED A REFUND. We have something special planned for you, like a beheading or earthworm eating contest (with you being the only contestant) or something. :) (Joke. Bro. J.)

Well I gotta go-
busy, busy, busy...

Only one word....

2006-10-09T18:39:00.000-07:00

There is one word, and one word only, that can be put inside each of the ten blanks to give ten different meanings to the sentence. The word must be added only once at a time. For example, if you put the word in the first blank, the meaning of the sentence changes. Move the same word to the second blank. Again the sentence makes sense, but now it means something different. The same thing happens with the word in any of the other blanks.

What's the word?

______ Tom ________helped______Mary's______daughter______clean______

______Mary's_______parrot's________cage______yesterday_______.

A Jolly Goot Time

2006-10-04T14:23:00.000-07:00

Today, Guys, guess what I got to do? I got to go to the dentist! Hooray!! I totally DISLIKE the dentist. (To the point of acting like a 2 year old about it.) At 6:59 in the morning my phone rang-it was my faithful dentist lady calling to remind me -again- about my appointment. I didn't answer. I tried to think up an acceptable excuse to not have to show up, but I couldn't. The cows were milked, plans already drawn up for the new shuttle, Hitler's dead, so there was nothing left for me to do but to call in and say I would be there @ 9:00. And I was. So, I get back there and lay down in their goofy chair and everybody is all cheerful but me. I asked the nurse if I could kick and scream and she said I could. (I wonder how she got to the position of giving out permission slips for carnality?) So, they tied me down and proceeded to start the lobotomy-oh wait, that was last time...Anyways, Dear Dr. Humphries brought out the big needle with a big grin (Dr. had the grin-not the needle) and started asking me questions. You know I've got this mouth full of stuff and so the conversation's going like this:

Doc: Soooo, how's it going with your kids?
Me: Aaargh mmph phfftt (I only have one and she's fine.)
Doc: You homeschool 3 kids right?
Me: Raaa ghoool mmm spttt (Yes I homeschool) And I stick 1 finger up on the air...
Doc's little assistant: So are you feeling okay?
Me: Yeee shho haha mmmm fooeee ( Sure, Lady, I always hover about 3 inches off the chair and groan loudly)

At this point the Doc and nurse leaves the room to laugh themselves silly and I am sitting in the chair feeling my lip and jaw get about the size of a medium to large watermelon. So, I decided to use my lifeline and call Frances. Heblo Franshes, whash up? We had a good 20 minute talk and then here comes Thing 1 and Thing 2 back from coffee break- and to make a long story short I got three fillings (I asked for apple, blueberry and peach but they just gave me this gross silver stuff) and you know what the weirdest part of all is? They want ME to pay THEM.

Call the BMVFD!!

2006-10-02T18:06:00.000-07:00

Why I am so terrified of fire, I don't know. I just know I have this horror of anything that is on fire that should not be and I absolutely panic. Take for instance a recent happening at the Hanners Home (not to be confused with a place to dump clothes for battered women) - I was cooking supper in my stove and the conglomeration of a casserole I was cooking boiled over. I have a gas stove which makes me nervous anyways, and when I opened up the oven and saw the stuff in the bottom was on fire, I totally lost it. (I don't mean just a little spark or two, you could have roasted a couple of nice weenies on this-I'm telling you.) I barreled around the kitchen a few times (barreling around helps me think) and couldn't come up with anything to help the situation. Thankfully my husband was just pulling up in the yard, coming home from a long days work and just what the poor man needs-I jerked open the door, and in my best yelling voice yelled GET IN HERE AND DO SOMETHING-HELP IT HELP IT HELP IT! Like any good husband would do he started to shut the door, turn around and go back to work. But I wouldn't let him. I was hollerin' and squallin' (which is what southern women do best) and telling him that the house was gonna go ANY SECOND and could he PLEASE put out the inferno in the oven. He opened the door while I'm standing there wringing my hands and saying "Whatcha gonna do about it What can ya DO about it!!?, leans over and blows it out. With one puff. There was only one thing left for me to say. "Oh."

I'm not sure what my deal is with little fires like that, maybe bad dreams when I was a kid or something. This has been going on for a long time though. You want to see me MOVE- light a fire.

For word play lovers

2006-09-24T05:57:00.000-07:00

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
11. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
12. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
13. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
14. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
15. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
16. Every calendar's days are numbered.
17. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and it 'taint mine.
18. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
21. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
24. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
25. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
26. Baker's trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
28. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
29. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Hermit Crab Sympathy

2006-09-14T05:07:00.000-07:00

I did want to say I have sympathy for Emily's lost crab. Erin brought a hermit crab back from Florida last year and she loved that poor thing with all her heart. Two weeks after we got it home, it's legs started falling off one by one. I'm telling you, it was a tragic thing for Erin. She got the mourning wail going and could not be quieted down. We always knew exactly when Hermie lost another limb-Banshees had nothing on Erin. Finally hermie was just a little stump of a crab and Erin was inconsolable. We buried hermie in the backyard and quickly erased all signs that we even had a crab. It took her months to get over it and even now she gets a sad look on her face sometimes when you mention "crab". If I would have thought I might could have J.B. Weld-ed it's legs back on, might not have helped the crab, but it might would've helped Erin.

A Sad, SAD Story (boo hoo)

2006-09-13T16:37:00.000-07:00

Some friends of ours* had a little crab named Coral. Coral went AWOL and the whole family was frantic with worry. After several calls to the CIA, IRS, FBI and other Fortune 500 companies, a massive manhunt ensued. It all ended when the youngest member** of the household announced " Coral had to go pee-pee, so I flushed him down the toilet." What a tradgedy! HA! HA!

Excuse me while I blow my nose and wipe away a stray tear...

*The Gullion family
**Wyatt

Bit O'Wisdom for the Day:
When someone offers to pay you now or later, choose now.

The Official Widow

2006-09-12T16:56:00.000-07:00

I have a wonderful husband who (as I told the person who calls incessantly wanting to loan us money) works 2 jobs and goes to school 4 nights a week, so there is no good time to call him- or talk to him- or get him to take out the trash or... In other words a husband who is hardly ever here. Enter hunting season...Anything that moves, is furry or scaly, and totally happy with their life as a cute little animal, is in danger of being dismissed from their stomping grounds and stuck in our freezer by Mike, who gets the manly urge to go and spend lots of hours and money trying to decrease wildlife population. About this time of year I always hear " Honey, it's about time for you to get up in the attic and get out my decoys." So I do, and then it's off to the swamps to toot on his little duck horn and bring home some once cute critters who will now be decorating our yard with their feathers. Now, I'm not complaining, there are many other hobbies he could have such as collecting empty beer cans and throwing them at the neighbors or ant farming or something. Anyways, since I have oodles of extra time, I guess this is a pitiful plea for anyone who is totally bored, you can always call me and we can get together and do something constructive like, oh, read everybody's blogs and drink cappuccino espresso mocha hooha lattes with a subtle twist of white chocolate and crabapples and hints of bouquets of .... I'm rambling. I'm going to go talk to my cat.

Bit O'Wisdom for the Day-
Check for toilet paper before sitting down.

2006-09-11T18:54:00.000-07:00

Little bit o'wisdom for the day-
If someone offers you a piece of gum, take it.

Back Again...

2006-09-11T06:12:00.000-07:00

In response to my numerous fans sending postcards and begging on their knees for an update (not to mention a helpful little push from Sister Reba) here is the latest news in my very busy life- I had a hamburger for breakfast. Thank You for your interest and have a good day!

No Autographs, Please!

2006-08-14T19:18:00.000-07:00

Now I have gone and done it-I am a bonafide local suh-leb-ruh-tee. (clarify): tv star. I got up this morning and cleaned my house a bit and then decided I needed to go to Huntsville, but did not feel like making much effort at all about my appearance- so I didn't. I took my hair and twisted it up in my trademark little puffy frizzle frazzle and threw on whatever I found piled up in the corner and took off. ( I really didn't think I would see anyone and I didn't have many places to go.) Well, I was making my merry way into the library when Channel 48 stopped me and asked if they could ask a quick question. I'm trying to be a good sport here, so I'm like, sure. This dude turns this XXX-large camera on me and this fashion model starts asking me questions. I really felt like to be in character I needed to stand there with my finger in my nose and scrach vigorously, or something. Anyways, she said" now be honest here" (like I would be ANYTHING else on the most honorable T.V.) "do you ever run yellow lights?" Well, I do run yellow lights and occasionally red lights, but I didn't feel the need to tell her my life's story. Instead I asked her if she had ever seen the Broadway play "Annie" and would she like to hear my version of "Tomorrow"? No, really, I answered her querys with as much dignity as possible, then offered a silent prayer that her tape would melt on the way back to the station. Anyways, my father.in.law called to tell my husband about the "movie star" he saw on channel 48 news. Oh my...

Yard Sale Day

2006-08-12T03:31:00.000-07:00

I'm off to the South Huntsville Mall haha hoohoo

Last Taste of Summer (almost)

2006-08-10T17:53:00.000-07:00

Today I came home from town, hot and tired and ready for my air-conditioned house. But when I pulled up in my yard and saw the grapevines that border our little acre of heaven here, I knew that if I wanted just one last taste of those sweet pink grapes with sweet memories that take me back to my childhood I had better go for it. Sure enough, they were almost gone-what was left I had to fight the red wasps and carpenter bees for. I won.

My Grandmother planted these grapes years ago, and as long as I can remember, I have looked forward to the month of August for the ripening of the grapes. You know, I was thinking, naturally speaking I have maybe only 30 or 40 more times in my life to do this. It's a little sad to me I guess, because I know how much my grandmother enjoyed them and now she's gone, but I know she'd have been happy to know that I would enjoy them in the years to come when she was planting those little vines.

Fall is quickly on it's way and here goes another year of my life that has flew by, Where DOES the time go.....

#1 Sandwich

2006-08-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

You know, Actually I have a MUCH better way to use pickles...make a lovely sandwich that is a favorite bedtime snack of mine. This sandwich includes the requisite 2 soft fluffy pieces of white bread, pickles, peanut butter, cheese and mayo. The only problem with this is that when I try to eat one with anyone around, I have to listen to...EEEEWWWWWW! GROOOSSS! How NASTY!, etc... Now tonight I've been listening to my beautiful daughter, Erin, go on about it. I think I'll make her have one for lunch tomorrow, along with my favorite soup......

More birthday Pics

2006-08-08T13:31:00.000-07:00

More pics of Saturday night for you to enjoy!

Good Friends, Good Times

2006-08-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

Some really sweet people I know decided in a secret meeting in the dead of the night with mysterious sanctimony, oh wait that's a song, isn't it?(sounded good anyways)-well, they decided at some point to have me a "surprise" party. They succeeded at the party part, the surprise part, well, let's just all remember the scripture about "what is said in secret will be shouted from the rooftops". Anyways, they went through a whole lot of trouble and I am thankful for a beautiful party! Poor Sylvia dismantled her house (left Jeff and the kids only a couch and a few measly crumbs of bread) and moved in with Frances temporarily to decorate and scheme about food. Tammy spent the better part of a week making chicken puffs and putting out fires that seriously threatened the northern section of Westpoint. Others made food and chose the most awesome napkins EVER (Yay Christy!) and made up extremely terrible songs about me that have probably scarred me for life. (Thanks Vern Jr. and (gasp) my own Husband.) It really was alot of fun for me, oh and did I mention Frances made a reeeal sclumptious coconut cake? Mmmmm, Mmmmm, Good! Mike acting normal..

Advice for the Anxious

2006-08-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

"Watch A tennis Match...or pretend that you are! Research shows that if you shift your eyes from side to side when you're stressed, It interrupts distress signals sent by your neural circuits, melting anxiety!"

Hooray!

I can hardly see straight I'm shifting my eyes so much--oh great advice!! My neural circuits are happier than they have ever been!!

What in the WORLD are magazine editors doing- letting John Tesh write their columns?!

Fun

2006-08-07T05:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this blogging thing is sort of fun. The only thing is no one has read mine, nor do I have 99 comments. I'm insulted. Oh well, I guess I need to tell someone that I HAVE a blog. I know that they will have an overwhelming urge to check here several times a day to see what's going on in my very interesting life.

Newbie Blogger

2006-08-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

Hi, This is Jaylene Hanners or Newbie Blogger- Whichever you prefer! I thought I would see if I could get into this wholeheartedly (did I really use a 14 letter word?) like some of ya'll guys. Well, I turned the big three-oh today so I wanted to do something reeeally wild and life-changing, so this is it....I picked the name Rainbow's End because, as I'm sure you know, there is supposed to be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow AND I feel that I'm at my life's rainbow's end, if your following me here. My life is better than it's ever been, all because of God and how he has changed me and blessed my life GREATLY! I have a great family and wonderful friends and life in general is more than I could have ever hoped for!

I had a little luau party for some of the girls. They really had a good time. Although I listened to "Authentic Luau Music" for about 6 hours straight, so I think I could live without hearing a steel guitar again for say, oh, the rest of my life!